A child’s adoption story is a powerful part of their life history, helping them heal from trauma and build a positive sense of self. This type of life-story work enables them to integrate their experiences into a story that supports attachment and their relationship with their adoptive family.
As adopted children grow older, they are often confronted with questions about their birthparents and their past. These questions are not unique to adoption, but a part of the normal adolescent development process. It is important to be able to explain the adoption narrative in a way that is sensitive, factual and age appropriate. Adoptive parents are the best judges of whether more elaboration on certain aspects of their child’s adoption story is necessary.
When a child is toddler or preschool age, they often use magical thinking to explain what they don’t understand, and that includes their adoption story (2). It is important for these children to be introduced to the reality of their adoption in a way that is age appropriate and allows them to begin to comprehend their history (3).
For this reason, many adoptive parents choose to begin telling their child’s adoption story as soon as they are comfortable with it (4). This allows them to avoid speculation about their child’s past, which could damage their relationships with their biological and adoptive families. It also allows the parents to develop a level of comfort with the language and topic, so that they are prepared for when their child begins asking questions.